Wednesday, March 4, 2009

We Have A New Website Number!

Attention: Sports Rubbish has a new website number!

Well, technically we always had it, but now the entire site is moving off of Blogspot and on to its own domain:

So please update your links and head on over. See you there!

Go to now

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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Carlos Delgado Of The New York Mets Is Spamming Me

Over the past week, I have received 2 e-mails from Mr. Carlos Delgado, the first baseman for the New York Mets. Don't believe me? Look below.

So why is Carlos Delgado e-mailing me? Does he want me to try out for the Mets? Is he inviting me to come watch Spring Training? No, he has more sinister motives.

Dear Friend,

I am Mr.Carlos Delgado Executive Director of the La Caixa Bank Ltd, Spain.

An Iraqi named Haider Hanoon,a business man made a numbered fixed deposit of (346,736,899.68 TWD) for 18 calendar months, this is valued
to Fourty One million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only
in my branch. Upon maturity several notice was sent to him, even during
the war, five years ago (2003). Again after the war another
notification was sent and still no response came from him. We later
found out that Haider Hanoon and his family had been killed during the
war in Gunfire that hit their home at Mukaradeeb where his personal oil
well was.

After further investigation it was also discovered that Haider Hanoon
did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the
paper work of his bank deposit And he also confided in me the last
time we was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in
my bank. So, Fourty One million Five Hundred Thousand United State
is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to
claim it. What bothers me is that according to the laws of my country
at the expiration five years six months the funds will revert to the
ownership of the Spanish Government if nobody applies to claim the

My proposal, I am prepared to place you as the next of kin in a
position to instruct LA CAIXA BANK to release the deposit to you as
the closest surviving relation. Upon receipt of the deposit, I am
prepared to share the money with you in a favorable percentage. That is: I will simply
nominate you as the next of kin and have them release the deposit to
you. We share the percentage 70/30. I would have gone ahead to ask the
funds be released to me, but that would have drawn a straight line in
my involvement in claiming the deposit. I assure you that I could have
the deposit released to you within a few days. I will simply inform the
bank of the final closing of the file relating to Haider Hanoon I will
then officially communicate with my Bank and instruct them to release
the deposit to you. With these: all is done. I am aware of the
consequences of this proposal.

I ask that if you find no interest in this project that you should
discard this mail. I ask that you do not be vindictive and destructive.
If my offer is of no appeal to you, delete this message and forget I
ever contacted you. Do not destroy my career because you do not approve
of my proposal. You may not know this but people like myself who have
made tidy sums out of comparable situations run the whole private
banking sector
. I am not a criminal and what I do, I do not find
against good conscience, this may be hard for you to understand, but
the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Such
opportunities only come ones way once in a lifetime. I cannot let this
chance pass me by, for once I find myself in total control of my
destiny. These chances wont pass me by. I ask that you do not destroy
my chance, if you will not work with me let me know and let me move on
with my life but do not destroy me. I am a family man and this is an
opportunity to provide them with new opportunities.

If you give me positive signals, I will initiate this process towards a
conclusion. I wish to inform you that should you contact me via
official channels; I will deny knowing you and about this project. I
repeat, I do not want you contacting me through my official phone lines
nor do I want you contacting me through my official email account.
Contact me only through the numbers I will provide for you and also
through the email account that i will provide therein in this email.
Further more be informed that the fact that you are a foreigner give
you the privilege to stand in as my deceased client beneficiary as my
deceased client had no relation all his family died with him during the
war and I can not use my relation because its not accepted here in Spain.
Also I am very confident that we will be able to establish the
trust that is needed to complete this deal and all that I need from the
time been is your willingness and commitment so that we can end this in
the next one weeks.

What you need to understand about this transaction is that I will make
sure that it passes through all international banking laws regards to
this I will take care of all the expenses and the cost of retaining the
service of my Attorney to give the transaction the proper documentation
that is required to perfect the finishing. Your only obligation in this
transaction will be to set up two offshore accounts that can
accommodate these funds and I will give you more light later once you
agree to partner with me. Like I said before there is no risk involve as
it will pass through international banking laws and all documents
related to this transaction will be sent to you by post for your
perusal and trust.

I do not want any direct link between you and me. My official lines are
not secure lines as they are periodically monitored to assess our level
of customer care in line with our Total Quality Management Policy.
Please observe this instruction religiously. Please, again, note I am a
family man, I have wife and children. I send you this mail not without
a measure of fear as to what the consequences, but I know within me
that nothing ventured is nothing gained and that success and riches
never come easy or on a platter of gold. This is the one truth I have
learned from my private banking clients. Do not betray my confidence.
If we can be of one accord, we should plan a meeting, soon. Should you
be interested I will prefer you to send me your FULL


Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

I await your response.

Mr.Carlos Alberto DELGADO

Did Carlos Delgado also have his assets frozen as part of the Stanford investigation? I think he very well might have, and he's turning to spam e-mail scams to get his money back. Unlike some player e-mail scams, this is 1000% real. He obviously can't say who he really is, so he is pretending to be a bank president from Spain. Very clever, Mr. Delgado.

Not content to send just one e-mail, Carlos e-mailed me once again today. The text of the e-mail was the same, but the subject was different: ACKNOWLEDGE RECEIPT.

So what should I do? I mean, it's not every day that I get an e-mail from a professional baseball player. The man just wants his money. Carlos Delgado is a pretty likeable guy, so maybe I should help him out.

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Monday, February 23, 2009

Video: Soccer Riot & Fire Started By Fans Of Hajduk Split & Dinamo Zagreb In Croatia

It's surprising that more people aren't killed at Eastern European soccer matches. Between the fires, smoke, rioting fans and police, they don't appear to be the safest places to be.

At this weekend's match between Hajduk Split & Dinamo Zagreb in the Croatian First League, there was first a delay due to confetti. Because nothing says you are a badass who wants to support his team like confetti.

Following the confetti delay, fans then started to riot, as seen in the above video. It's actually surprising that they didn't find a way to set the fire engine ablaze.

Nearly 800 police were on hand for the event, which saw 84 Hajduk fans and 37 Dinamo fans arrested, including members of the clubs famed Bad Blue Boys, which sounds like a horrible knock-off of the Blue Man Group.

The two teams eventually played some soccer, and Hajduk Split beat Dinamo Zagreb, 2-0.

Can’t We All Just Watch The Game? [Total Pro Sports]

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Saturday, February 21, 2009

Video: Snooker Player Mark Selby Gets Papers Served By Former Manager During Tournament Match

On TV shows, we've all seen creative ways of having papers served. In case you were curious to see if such surprises were actually done in real life, we have our answer from the Welsh Open snooker tournament.

Just before his quarterfinal match against Anthony Hamilton, Mark Selby was approached by a man in the crowd.

The guy leaned over to Selby, handed him an envelope, and said, "You are being served with a writ and bankruptcy notice". The entire incident was broadcast live on BBC.

It turned out that the man who had given him the paperwork was George Barmby, his former manager. Judging by the timing of incident, it's safe to say that there's an acrimonious story behind "former" being added to his title. It takes some stones to serve a guy right before an important match. It's not like he was going anywhere, surely it could have waited until right after.

Needless to say, Selby was put off his game, saying, "I didn’t know who it was. He handed me a letter, mumbled and went off. All I could think about was what might’ve been in the envelope."

He lost the match.

Writ claim disrupts Selby match [BBC]
Writ shock precedes Mark Selby’s defeat [Times Online]

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No, David Dellucci Did Not Get Bitten By An Alligator

David Dellucci of the Cleveland Indians will miss the start of Spring Training after cutting his left thumb, an injury that required stitches.

How did Dellucci hurt his thumb? Well, here's his first recounting of the story to reporters.

“Right before I came here on Feb. 1,” Dellucci said dejectedly, “I was fishing on the side of my lake, and I heard a little boy screaming. I ran over and an alligator had him by the leg. I jumped on the gator, poked him in the eyes, freed the kid, but he (the gator) got me in my thumb. I got stitched and had surgery.”

It's a pretty interesting story, but of course it's not true.

Instead, Dellucci admitted that he cut his thumb on a truck tailgate while moving his things for Spring Training. The injury required surgery to close the cut and reattach the nail to the nailbed, which does not sound fun. He is expected to have the stitches removed in a few days and will be back to full strength soon.

That hasn't stopped him from telling his gator story. While the media now knows the truth, he said that “There are about a dozen guys in this clubhouse who still believe it."

Indians’ Dellucci out with thumb injury [Yahoo!]

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Video: High School Basketball Fight In Alabama - Full Version With Commentary

By now you have probably seen the YouTube video of the high school basketball fight in Alabama between Carver-Montgomery High School and Valley High School. Here is the extended, director's cut of the fight, lasting a full 5 minutes and 45 seconds.

Get your popcorn ready, and let's watch this fight in all its glory.

The highlights:

00:04 - The brawl kicks off and some guy in a white shirt comes out of the crowd and starts pounding on someone

00:20 - The fight moves to the center of the court, as a shirtless guy dive punches at someone. This move is only slightly worse than Zach Randolph's open fist punch.

00:24 - We have another fight entrant as Mr. Green Shirt enters the fray. Unfortunately for him, his pants start to fall down at the worst possible point. King Hippo shares his pain.

00:30 - #1 from the Orange Team dives on the basketball court for no reason. He then runs away.

01:20 - A "Think Pink" breast cancer awareness banner is seen in the background. Looks like some people are "seeing red" instead of "thinking pink."

01:59 - After a retreat to the locker room, we're magically transported back to the stands, where the fight is continuing.

02:20 - People are held back, and there's a lot of yelling and fingerpointing. The cops look thrilled to be there.

02:58 - A guy sits in his seat on his cellphone. Is he even aware of what's going on around him?

03:02 - Mr. Orange Sweatshirt moves down to the first row. Hey, why not take advantage of this brawl to score yourself some prime seats if the basketball game continues?

03:13 - We see a destroyed bench. Was Matt Foley there?

03:20 - More fighting in the stands. One thing is clear from this brawl: don't mess with anybody wearing a white shirt.

03:34 - Mr. Green Shirt is back for more, and he's still having problems with his pants. Dude, either just take them off, get a belt, or stay out of the fight. You aren't going to win with one hand swinging about and the other one keeping your jeans up.

04:45 - Some of the combatants start to be led away in handcuffs.

05:28 - Two dudes hug. Awww. A sentimental moment as many in the building realize this might be their last high school basketball fight. Only a lucky few might move on to college basketball fights. Even fewer might get to be in an NBA fight. Others might get to fight over in Europe.

05:38 - A cop leads a fighter away. Or more accurately, he grabs on to the back of his shirt as he walks him through the gym.

05:45 - FIN

Both teams have been booted from the AHSAA Central Region Basketball Tournament by the Alabama Athletic Association, and so far 11 people have been arrested. No word on how Mr. Green Shirt fared.

Video: [WSFA 12 News - Birmingham]

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Video: Mascot Shoots Basketball Off Of Bango, The Milwaukee Bucks Mascot's Groin


Prior to the celebrity game during the NBA All-Star Weekend, some mascots were having a pre-game shoot-around to entertain the crowd.

Rufus, the Charlotte Bobcats' mascot, shot a ball over his head. It then hit Bango, the Milwaukee Bucks' mascot in the groin and went into the hoop. Bango then followed.

Something tells me we won't be seeing that shot attempted in next year's H-O-R-S-E competition, nor will we see it in the round of the dunk competition where there is a dunk assistant.

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Saturday, February 14, 2009

Steve Nash Is Now On Twitter

Looking to get the innermost thoughts of your favorite basketball playing Canadian?

The Phoenix Suns' Steve Nash is now available on Twitter.

This makes him the 3rd Suns player to be tweeting, following Shaquille O'Neal, the NBA's most prolific & deep man when it comes to Twitter, and Jason Richardson, another recent Tweeter.

And in case you were skeptical, it is actually Steve Nash - the Suns' Director of Digital Media & Research AKA PhoenixSunsGirl verified it.

Want to follow these 3 Suns on Twitter?

Steve Nash (the_real_nash):

Shaquille O'Neal: (THE_REAL_SHAQ):

Jason Richardson: (jrich23):

It seems appropriate that Shaq's account would be in all caps, while Nash's is all lowercase.

While you're adding new people to follow, why not also follow Sports Rubbish

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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

San Francisco's Bay To Breakers Race To Be Alcohol, Fun Free This Year

Each May, thousands of runners participate in the Bay To Breakers race that appropriately enough goes from the San Francisco Bay to the Breakers of the Pacific Ocean.

And each May, thousands more follow the runners, in costumes and completely without costumes (translation: naked), many of them intoxicated. People go as far to build floats, which they then fill with alcohol. The lazier just put kegs in shopping carts.

The world-renowned event has gone on for almost a century, and was included on Jim Caple's list of 101 things sports fans should do before they die (#84).

84. Bay to Breakers (May, San Francisco). There are many public runs across the world, but none matches this nearly century-old 12K through one of the world's most beautiful cities for sheer spectacle. As many as 80,000 runners compete in all manner of costume -- and sometimes, no clothes at all. This is San Francisco, after all.

But that tradition will be no more after a decision by the event sponsor ING, the San Francisco Police Department, and the local residents who don't want to deal with people urinating outside their doors one day a year. On other days, however, that is perfectly fine.

Two main changes will take place for this year's Bay To Breakers:
  • Zero tolerance policy on alcohol. Anyone openly drinking alcohol or displaying public drunkenness will be subject to fines and prosecution.
  • All wheeled objects and floats are prohibited. Inappropriate equipment on the streets is dangerous and can prevent runners and walkers from completing the race in a timely manner.

"We're still focused on the fun, vitality and unique culture of the race -- we're just removing the alcohol and the hazards. We feel that these changes will enhance the race experience for all involved," said Angela Fang, the race's general manager.

Translation: We've taken the fun out of the race for 95% of the participants.

Sadly, this event has been ruined by a few people who can't wait in line for a port-a-potty, or can't walk 10 feet over to a trash can. On the other side, the event has been ruined by a few people who can't deal with people having some fun, and event organizers who want to hold a big event but won't pony up for the expense of providing adequate facilities.

One must wonder though if the SFPD, who turn a blind eye to pretty much anything else, will really enforce this zero tolerance on alcohol given how many thousands of people fill the streets to run and watch. Whatever the result, this May 17th will not see the same event as previous years since people will at least be looking over their shoulders.

Last year was my first May in the city and first time attending Bay To Breakers, and I had looked forward to going again this year & actually doing the route instead of just having a good time and taking the above photos. Bay To Breakers is one of the things that makes San Francisco San Francisco, and it's sad to see these changes.

The end to Bay to Breakers as we know it [SFGate]

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Adult Entertainment Company To Compensate Fans Who Had Porn Interrupted By Super Bowl

Imagine this: you're watching some porn, and just when things are about to start heating up, some silly football game comes on and all of a sudden you have Larry Fitzgerald on your screen.

Naturally, you might be pissed off. That's why adult entertainment company Pink Visual is giving a $10 discount to Comcast porn fans who were watching Evan Stone and Tristan Kingsley, only to be interrupted by the Super Bowl.

In a press release, Kim Kysar, brand and product manager for Pink Visual said, "We feel really bad for the customers that were just getting into it when Comcast rudely switched back to the football game before the clip could really get going."

"Having seen the clip which interrupted the Superbowl uncensored and uncut, I can imagine that many fans were left wanting to see a lot more of Evan Stone. Perhaps they even wished they had access to a private, mobile adult site where they could get a bit of 'alone time' to get fired up after the game, and to release the frustration they felt after watching Arizona lose in the game's final seconds."

Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

Those wishing to partake in this offer can read the full press release for the details.

Hey, $10 from Comcast, plus $10 of additional discount porn? The perks just keep coming for people in Tucson.

Pink Visual Offers Compensation for 'Superbowl Porn' Mishap [Marketwire/MSNBC]

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Rugby Fans Dress Up Statue In Wellington, New Zealand, Leave It Pantsless

In America, if a football game involves a naked penis, there's an uproar and people get a $10 refund. In New Zealand, that's just part of the preparation for the NZI Rugby Sevens Tournament, which will be held in Wellington this weekend.

Positively Wellington Tourism's New Zealand events co-ordinator, Nicole Retter, partially dressed up a naked statue to promote the rugby event.

The statue, which stands on the waterfront, "was given a cape, sailor hat, Hawaiian lei, a bucket and spade and a rubber duck. It also sported a 'We Love Wellington' T-shirt but no pants."

Because really, who needs pants for rugby?

Retter said, "We will be changing or adding to their costumes every day in the lead-up to the NZI Sevens, depending on what state of undress we find them in due to the weather or other external forces."

Officials are warning fans not to use the statue as a model for the stadium dress code, as "stadium rules state costumes 'must conform to reasonable standards of decency', ruling out nudity or near-nudity."

We'll see what Evan Stone and Tristan Kingsley have to say about that.

Nothing's safe from sevens fever []

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Video: Fart During CBS Telecast Of FBR Open

The FBR Open in Scottsdale is the most exciting non-major on the PGA tour, home of the rambunctious 16th hole.

Someone on the CBS Sports golf team found this excitement to be just a bit too much and couldn't control themselves, as a fart can clearly be heard in this clip.

Light brown area, indeed.

So which announcer was it? Nick Faldo? Jim Nantz? My money is on Peter Oosterhuis, since he was talking at the time and had a nice fartable gap in his commentary.

Whoever it was, they've given "grip it and rip it" a whole new meaning.

CBS Desperate To Make PGA Tournaments More Interesting Until Tiger Comes Back [Deadspin]

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Video: Stephen Colbert On The Chicken Wing Shortage Before The Super Bowl AKA Wingageddon

Last night on The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert weighed in on the crisis that is affecting our country right now: the shortage of buffalo wings, AKA Countdown To Atomic Disaster - The Wingageddon.

As Colbert says, "Watching the Super Bowl without a plate of chicken wings, that's like making love without a plate of chicken wings." Amen!

Colbert goes on to outline just how horrific the effects of this wing shortage will be on the economy, from the bleu cheese miners, to the celery hunters, to the Hidden Valley ranchers, and finally Hooters waitresses. Additionally, you will never look at the Pillsbury Doughboy the same way again. This truly is a national crisis that must be dealt with at once. I place myself in nomination to be the new wing czar. Congress is taking no action so far. We want a wing stimulus package now!

Bonus video: Here's Stephen Colbert's interview of former Beatle Paul McCartney. The highlight is when Colbert gets McCartney to say that the Dalai Lama might turn to cannibalism if necessary.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

British Long Jumper Jonathan Moore Jumps Naked From Roof Of House

In an attempt to qualify for the new event of nude long jumping, British long jumper Jonathan Moore jumped from the roof of a house in South Africa, just 24 hours after finishing 4th in the Yellow Pages Athletics Series meeting in Potchefstroom.

According to Lappies Labuschagne, the owner of the house, Moore was first found outside wearing a tracksuit.

"He didn't react at all when I spoke to him. I tried English, Afrikaans and Tswana. He just wandered off," Labuschagne said.

Later on, the long jumper returned, this time having removed the tracksuit. It was at this point that Moore, "who was described as being in a trance-like state, climbed on to the roof of the house in Potchefstroom, spread his arms out and jumped."

Lucky for him his 6 or 7 meter fall was broken by a Ford pick-up truck. Moore then went and sat naked on a pile of bricks. He was still sitting there when police arrived.

Going out on a limb here (but not jumping naked off of it), it's safe to say that Jonathan Moore needs some help. You don't high jump off a roof naked unless you're on drugs, have a mental issue, or want to risk some serious damage to many parts of your body.

He will be getting that help, as UK Atlhetics will be standing behind him (hopefully not under him).

"Our primary concern is for the welfare of Jonathan and his family at this sensitive time," said a UK Athletics spokesman.

"UKA will do all they can to provide - or where necessary identify - the appropriate support to help nurse the athlete back to health."

Failing that, with the 2012 Olympics being in London, they could always just petition to have naked house jumping added to the list of events.

British athlete leaps naked from house roof [TimesOnline]
GB athlete injured in naked jump [BBC]

Monday, January 26, 2009

Super Bowl Analysis: Which Team is More Likely to Have Someone Get Into Trouble, Arizona Cardinals or Pittsburgh Steelers?

Last season, my not-so-expert analysis of which team was more likely to have someone get into trouble in the week leading up to the Super Bowl was correct, as the New York Giants managed to avoid distractions (for the most part) on their way to victory over the New England Patriots.

I'm back for round 2: Breaking down the various temptations that the Arizona Cardinals and Pittsburgh Steelers will face this week while in Tampa for Super Bowl XLIII.

Let's face it, there's a ton of fun stuff going on in Tampa, from parties to Hooters to bars to beaches to Ybor City to strip clubs. Yes, Tampa is known for its adult clubs, making the odds of a player getting into trouble at one of them quite good. My money is on Kurt Warner.

Sure, there are certain players who have higher odds than others of being arrested or causing a disruption (I'm looking at you Anquan Boldin). That aside, geography will have its affect.

Which team is more likely to have someone get involved in an off-the-field incident or be distracted this week based on where they are staying: the Cardinals or the Steelers? Lets break it down (places of interest have been marked on the map below, or click here)

View Larger Map

Basic Hotel Location

Arizona Cardinals: The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals are staying at the Grand Hyatt Tampa Bay for Super Bowl week. The hotel is right next to the airport, which could be noisy, but it is also in a location that is right on the bay on a secluded street. With all of the security in Tampa, you can bet that not many people will be getting near the hotel unless they are staying there.

Pittsburgh Steelers: The Pittsburgh Steelers are staying at the InterContinental Hotel Tampa. The InterContinental is also pretty close to the airport, but a bit further away. However, it is also in a busy area, right across the street from WestShore Plaza, a large shopping mall. As with the Patriots last year, being in a busier area for the Super Bowl week could be a distraction.

Team more likely to get in trouble: Steelers. While neither team has anything horrible nearby, the Cardinals are in a more secluded location a bit further from the action.


Arizona Cardinals: There is one casino in Tampa: The Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. Neither team is staying close to it. As I mentioned last year, there are many places to lose your money around the Phoenix area, meaning the Cardinals are used to having them nearby. However...

Pittsburgh Steelers: Pittsburgh is only just getting places to gamble, and the one that has opened so far sounds like it sucks. Will the bright lights of the Hard Rock prove to be too much of an attraction to the Steelers before the Super Bowl?

Team more likely to get in trouble: Even. The Hard Rock is so far away that it is unlikely anybody will go. A trip out there is a DUI waiting to happen.

Nightclubs & Bars

Arizona Cardinals: There aren't many bars near the Cards' hotel, though they are staying closest to the World's First Hooters, which is located about 10 miles away across the Courtney Campbell Causeway. I believe Courtney Campbell was the first Hooters waitress. Even further away are some of the Super Bowl parties, including the Moves Magazine party hosted by Reggie Bush and Ray Lewis across the water in St. Petersburg. The Museum of Science and Industry is also hosting 2 huge parties on Friday and Saturday night, featuring celebrities such as Jermaine Dupri, Janet Jackson, Jaime Foxx, Nelly, Antonio Tarver, as well as "Lala Ali" and "Ken Griffin, Jr." Unfortunately for those of us looking for party photos & stories of athletes and celebrities doing stupid things, many of the traditional Super Bowl parties such as those from Playboy and Sports Illustrated have been eliminated, leaving just Maxim, ESPN the Magazine, and Madden as the standing large parties. Snoop Dogg will of course be present in Tampa Bay at the Bud Bowl Block Party.

Pittsburgh Steelers: As mentioned before, the Steelers are staying in a slightly more central location, closer to Ybor City, an area with plenty of nightlife with Spanish and Cuban flair. Ybor City is tres speedy but they throw such killer parties, at least according to Craig Finn, and who am I to argue with him?

Team more likely to get in trouble: Steelers, by just a bit. One thing to note is that most of the areas with good nightlife and the Super Bowl parties are actually quite far from where the teams are staying. That's good news, unless anybody tries to get behind the wheel. While they are not exactly in a hard-partying area, the Steelers are a bit closer to the action. If the Cardinals are smart, they lockdown that road to their hotel and make it their island before the Super Bowl, restricting any damage to the hotel bar.

Strip Clubs

Arizona Cardinals: Here's where we get to what the Tampa Bay area is best known for: its strip clubs. Local clubs are importing dancers from all around the country, and many plan on operating 24 hours a day in case players and fans get an urge to see breasts at 8am on Thursday. There is the Six Foot Rule, but it hasn't been enforced in years, so unless police have nothing better to do (unlikely), enthusiasts will be able to do as they please. There are too many clubs to cover in detail (43 in all), so I am going to focus on just two: Mons Venus and 2001 Odyssey (photos through above links are NSFW), which are right near Raymond James Stadium. Mons Venus has been repeatedly ranked in lists of the top 10 strip clubs in the country and features all-nude dancing & lap dances for a reasonable price. Not only that, patrons are allowed, nay encouraged to fondle the dancers. Let that sink in a bit, and we'll continue.

2001 Odyssey is located right nearby and offers similar activities, but with a spaceship theme. Between that and the parties at the Museum of Science and Industry, this Super Bowl is going to be a nerd paradise. How popular is 2001 Odyssey? More popular than the Stanley Kubrick film that inspired its name, at least based on the Google results. Plus it's right next to a Sonic, and who can beat that?

Pittsburgh Steelers: See above. Both teams are roughly the same distance from these two locations, though the Steelers are marginally closer and presumably haven't seen many attractive women in Pittsburgh.

Team more likely to get in trouble: Draw Both teams are close to the 2 biggest clubs, and both are right near the stadium, so we'll call it a draw and say everyone will get in trouble.

There you have it. It is clear which team has the advantage when it comes to avoiding possible distractions while in Tampa. Based on the above analysis, the Arizona Cardinals will be your Super Bowl XLIII Champions, but it will be very close. And if what I know about Tampa from Hold Steady lyrics holds true, everyone is going to do a lot of drugs and die. If anyone does murder anyone, I would like to put in a request. You may now ignore everyone else's opinion on the game and take your newfound knowledge straight to Vegas. I got it right last year, and I plan on getting it right this year. Go Cardinals.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Will There Be Enough Chicken Wings Available Super Bowl Sunday?

On Thursday, a story broke that some restaurants around Buffalo were experiencing shortages of chicken wings & very high prices, causing worry among owners and wing fans alike who are hoping the issues of the Northeast do not spread further through the country.

Damn right that's a problem, as this weekend is of course the Super Bowl, a weekend that accounts for 5% of all wing consumption during the year, with over 1 billion wings eaten in all. That's a lot of chickens that died for your sins.

The potential chicken wing crisis started when producer Pilgrims Pride filed for bankruptcy December 1st. Pilgrims Pride was responsible for 25% of U.S. chicken processing. Higher gas and feed prices have also led some farms to decrease production.

At the very least, this production shortage is affecting wing prices. This week, the Georgia Department of Agriculture quotes a price of $1.425 for chicken wings, well above the 2008 high of $1.27.

Some restaurant owners were even calling for a boycott of their suppliers, citing prices that have almost doubled. Forty pounds (of wings) would be like $85,  said Sam Musolino, owner of Sammy's Pizzeria. Good luck getting football fans to boycott eating buffalo wings, Sam.

Naturally, the National Chicken Council has been doing some damage control over the weekend, telling everyone that there are no wing shortages, and everything will be just fine.

"Eat all you want. There are plenty more," said NCC director of communications Richard Lobb.

If recent gas shortages can be held as an example, the National Chicken Council will have nothing to worry about. People will rush out to buy as many wings as they can so they will avoid a shortage, thus creating a shortage. So great marketing there, Chicken Council, there's no better publicity than someone saying your product is running out.

Just make sure the Bear's Lair is well-stocked, as that's where I'm planning on watching the Cardinals against the Steelers. Or perhaps the deal with the Devil that got the Cardinals into the Super Bowl meant that Cardinals fans don't get to eat wings during the game?

Chicken wing shortage ahead of Super Bowl [UPI]
Super Bowl wing supply is plenty, companies say [NWANews]

Friday, January 23, 2009

Video: Australian Open Streaker During Match Involving Williams Sisters

During today's Australian Open doubles match between Venus & Serena Williams and Ayumi Morita and Martina Mueller, a streaker ran on the court for 14 seconds, 7 seconds of which have been preserved on video so far.

The streaker was captured and banned from the tournament.

According to security officials at the Australian Open, "The focus of the on-court security team is always on player protection. They are instructed not to chase offenders as their focus at all times must remain on the players. The on-court actions of the security personnel reflected this focus on player protection."

So if you plan on streaking at the Open, feel free to run around as you wish, since you won't get chased.

As for the match, the Williams sisters won in straight sets.

 Edit: More video from ESPN - including a very large black box

Streaker interrupts Williams doubles match [Reuters]

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

London Gym Uses Humans As Weights

Who wants to spend time lifting heavy pieces of cold metal when you can lift warm bodies instead?

That's the premise behind a new offering from Gymbox in London. The gym has several employees on staff available for you to lift while working out.

Since everyone is a different strength, Gymbox has a range of human weights that goes from a midget named Arti, who weighs 66 lbs., to "Super Human" Matt Bernard, who weighs well over 300 lbs.

As if this wasn't ridiculous enough, the weights "wear black leotards with their weights printed across their chests and sit on adapted machines to let the weightlifter visualise what they are lifting."

Not only that, they also shout encouragement, since everyone needs to be yelled at by a little person while working out.

Gymbox owner Richard Hilton said "Creating a mental image or intention of what you want to happen or feel is proven to improve physical and psychological performance."

So if you want to lift midgets, then lifting midgets will improve your performance. That sounds pretty straightforward, but there's a very fine line between midget lifting and midget tossing.

If bulking up by lifting people is not your cup of tea, then don't worry. Gymbox has plenty of other fitness activites, ranging from the ridiculous to the insane.

Some of the highlights:

  • BALLET POLE The elegance and grace of Ballet mixed with the sexiness of pole dancing
  • BITCH BOXING Sorry guys, this one’s for the girls! Time to glove up and get down on that boxing ring, ladies.
  • CHAV FIGHTING Protect yourself form the ‘YOUF’ of today. Learn how to defend yourself from gangs of HOODIES, avoid HAPPY SLAPPINGS and feel safe in KNIFE CRIME-ridden London.
  • CHEERLEADING Gimme a G, gimme a Y, gimme an M, gimme a B… Shake your pom-poms and feel like a true American cheerleader.
  • KANGOO What do you get if you cross roller-skating and trampoline? Well here it is.

What do I get if I cross roller-skating and trampoline? Many broken bones.

England's Gymbox in Bank lets you bench press midgets [The Daily Telegraph]

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Arizona Diamondbacks Fire Mascot D. Baxter The Bobcat After DUI Arrest

Ever seen a drunk bobcat? The Arizona Department of Public Safety has.

Arizona Diamondbacks mascot David Hamilton AKA D. Baxter the Bobcat was canned by the Diamondbacks front office after they learned he had been arrested for suspicion of extreme DUI. It was either that, or rename the mascot DUI Baxter the Bobcat.

Not content to just get a regular old DUI, here's what the police got Hamilton for:
  • Hamilton was pulled over off the Loop 101at 95th Avenue and Peoria on Sept. 10 (an off day for the Diamondbacks in the middle of a homestand)
  • An officer spotted Hamilton traveling approximately 95 mph on the 101.
  • Hamilton was driving a Scion with the Diamondbacks' logo (great advertising & team spirit!)
  • He had a blood-alcohol level of 0.155, close to twice the legal limit of .08. (more great spirit of another kind)
  • He told the officers he had smoked weed earlier in the day
  • To top it all off, the mascot costume was in the back of the vehicle (it's a shame he wasn't wearing it while driving)

For some reason, the D-backs brass no longer wanted a drunk, stoned mascot, and thus, he was fired.

"After concluding our own investigation and gathering the facts involved, we felt it was necessary to take corrective action," Diamondbacks President and CEO Derrick Hall said. "We will pursue a replacement for the mascot that is such a large part of our fan experience immediately."

Please don't. D. Baxter the Bobcat only marginally made sense when the Diamondbacks played at Bank One Ballpark (BOBcat, get it?). Now that they play at Chase Field, the mascot makes no sense. Let the mascot go away.

It's a shame the team has canned Hamilton, since they're missing out on a new marketing opportunity. The Diamondbacks have always tried to attract children and families, which is why Baxter exists. But a drunk, stoned bobcat? Now there's a mascot that grown-ups can get on board with.

D-Backs fire D. Baxter after DUI arrest [AZ Central]

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Video: I Love The BCS Song - Will Forte on Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update

On last night's episode of Saturday Night Live, hosted by Neil Patrick Harris, Will Forte sang a song he wrote about his passion for the Bowl Championship Series, called "I Love The BCS." He pretty much summed up how most college football fans feel.

Here are the complete lyrics from SNL:

I love stepping in dog crap
And I love it when children get sick
I love paper cuts on my corneas
And I love the BCS

I love hanging at the DMV
And I love finding out I'm adopted
I love eating tacos filled with uncooked chicken
And I love the BCS

Oh yeah, I love the BCS

It's the best system ever devised
Neck and neck with the electoral college
And if you've got some kind of problem with that
I invite you to s my d
S my d
S my d
S my d
BCS S my d

I love the smell of sick people's farts
And I love George W Bush
I wish he could be my dad and my lover
And I love the BCS

I love thinking about Bush with his shirt off
I love taking off his pants with my mind
He's the lame duck that I really want to f.....

Cause, I love the BCS
Oh yeah, I love the BCS
And my hemorrhoids
I love the BCS
Robert Mugabe
I love the BCS

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Congressman Asks Pelosi To Change Schedule So He Can Go To BCS Title Game

Many people take sports way too seriously. Add Republican Congressman Cliff Stearns of Florida to that list of people who have misplaced their priorities at one time or another.

Stearns sent a letter to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi requesting that several votes be rescheduled so Congressmen from Florida and Oklahoma can go see the Gators & Sooners in the BCS Title Game in Miami on Thursday.

In his plea, Stearns wrote:
"As you may be aware, on Thursday January 8, the University of Florida and the University of Oklahoma will play for the national football championship. Members of the Florida and Oklahoma delegations have expressed interest in attending the game as the congressional schedule allows. However, votes are currently scheduled to continue into Thursday night and Friday afternoon. We ask that you move these votes to either Wednesday and/or Thursday morning to allow Members to attend this historic game."

How terrible that these Congressmen might actually have to do their jobs instead of attending some football game. It's not like the economy is falling apart, or we're undergoing a transitional period, or there that there's an international crisis going on right now.

And what votes does Congressman Stearns want rescheduled? Oh, only some minor issues... including the certification of the Electoral College vote that will make Barack Obama the next President of the United States.

So to recap, Florida vs. Oklahoma is more important than the next President in the eyes of Cliff Stearns. Florida, you have some great representation there.

The saddest thing is that a lot of people will actually agree with him. Not Nancy Pelosi though, as she has rejected his request. Maybe she'd be a bit more sympathetic to his plight if San Francisco ever had any teams that didn't completely suck.

Fla. congressman asks Pelosi for football break [AP]