More On The Charles Barkley DUI Saga: Tattoos & Blow Job Edition

Just when you thought the Charles Barkley DUI story couldn't get any better, what with the Urkel drinking buddy and all, The Smoking Gun has just released the full report from the Gilbert Police Department.

Here are the highlights:

• I asked if he had been drinking and he said "Yes, I have." I asked how much he had had and he said, "A couple, I could give you a bullshit answer but I didn't."
• When I asked the question "Where were you going?" He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat. He asked me to admit that she was "hot." He asked me, "You want the truth?" When I told him I did he said, "I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job." He then explained that she had given him a "blow job" one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life.
• He told a civilian Gilbert PD employee: "I'll tattoo my name on your ass" if it would help get him out of the DUI. He laughed and then quickly corrected himself and said, "I'll tattoo your name on my ass" and then laughed again.

Ah, that Charles Barkley... entertaining right to the very end.

Barkley: All I Really Wanted Was Oral Sex [TMZ]
Charles Barkley's Oral Statements [Smoking Gun]
Charles Barkley: "I Was Gonna Drive Around The Corner And Get A Blow Job." [Deadspin]

Charles Barkley Is A Dumbass, Gets Nailed for DUI After Partying With Urkel

Charles Barkley is one of my favorite sports personalities. Not only did I enjoy his time with the Phoenix Suns (screw you, John Paxson), but he's also been entertaining in his post-basketball career.

That said, the man is a dumbass. Sure, he was tricked into saying a dumbass, but make no mistake, Charles Barkley is a dumbass.

How else could he think that driving in Scottsdale after having any drinks at all, late at night, would be a good idea? Also, why did he think that partying with Steve Urkel would be a good idea? No good can come of that.

“I am disappointed that I put myself in that situation,” said Barkey. “The Scottsdale police were fantastic. Now it is a legal matter and I will not comment any further as it is a legal matter.”  Feel free to add, "I'm a dumbass!" to the end of that statement.

Arizona has notoriously tough DUI laws & many athletes & celebrities have been caught. So why not get a taxi, Sir Charles?

Barkley did do what most say is the best idea, which is to refuse a breathalyzer and take a blood test instead, but under Arizona law, ANY amount of alcohol can be enough to get you for a DUI if it was shown to have impaired you.

Given Arizona's recent penchant for making DUI offenders "expect the max", Charles Barkley looks like he is in a world of trouble right now.

Barkley comments on Valley DUI  arrest [AZCentral]

Lingerie Football Player Sues Ex-Boyfriend Over Nude Photos

One of these days, people will realize that if you let someone take nude photographs of you, said naked pictures will probably end up somewhere on the Internet. Until then, we'll keep enjoying stories like this one from Tampa.

Melissa Berry, a player in the Lingerie Football League, is suing her ex-boyfriend Mark Dawson after he distributed nude photos of her online. The suit claims that Dawson, who ironically is a safe dating expert, took "several nude photographs of her, including one taken without her knowledge of her engaged in a 'particularly private, intimate sexual act,'" and distributed those photos on MySpace, as well as to her mom.

As for Berry, she is a rookie starting linebacker for the Tampa Breeze in the Lingerie Football League, and formerly worked as a stripper. I believe that's how Mike Vrabel got his start as well.

Needless to say, both sides disagree on what happened.

Dawson said:

"This is nothing but an ex-girlfriend trying to cause problems. For her to say that these pictures were taken against her knowledge is untrue because she is smiling in them. She takes her clothes off for a living and tells people I am doing all this other stuff. What she's doing now is creating a drama because there are pictures out there of her."

Berry countered:

"If I wanted to take my clothes off for a living, that's what I would do. There's not a photographer that has ever taken those sorts of shots of me. It's more of a privacy thing. It's not for everyone else to see."

It doesn't matter who wins, the lesson here is, don't take your clothes off and let people take pictures if you don't want other people to see them at some point, since that's what always happens..

Here is the important news you are looking for: The Lingerie Football League's Lingerie Bowl will be played in Feburary during halftime of the Super Bowl in Tampa. The league has teams in other cities as well, including Phoenix, which is my hometown. I actually went to high school with one of the team's quarterbacks. In case you needed further proof that nobody is who they say they are online, according to her bio she was 12 when she graduated from high school.


Lingerie Bowl Player Sues Ex-Boyfriend Over Nude Pictures [Tampe Bay Online]

Video: Chinese Girl Has Basketball For Legs, Hopes To Swim In 2012 Paralympics

Qian Hongyan was in a car accident when she was just 3 years old, and as a result, she had both of her legs amputated.

Her family was unable to provide real prosthetics, and as a result, she was put into a basketball, which she then hopped around in like a human Weeble.

Despite her disability, this young Chinese girl has dreams of participating in the 2012 Paralympics in London. No, not in the basketball event, but in swimming.

She swims 2000 meters every day in training in order to prepare to achieve her dream of swimming for Team China.

It's pretty remarkable what she can do in the pool, but also what she can do with a basketball. She's had far more success with it than the Oklahoma City Thunder have this season.

Chinese Girl Has Basketball for a Body [Weird Asia News]

Video: Potato Latke Eating Competition Won By Furious Pete Czerwinski

Hanukkah 2008 has kicked off, and what better way to celebrate the Festival of Lights than by having a latke eating contest?

Sunday was the 4th Annual National Potato Latke Eating Competition, held in at Zan's Deli on Long Island, New York, where fortunately nobody was trampled or bitten.

This year's potato pancake eating champion? "Furious" Pete Czerwinski, a 22-year-old Canadian student.

Czerwinski is a rising star in the world of competitive eating, having won several competitions and owning several world records, including having eaten 18 bananas in 2 minutes. Rather than make an easy joke, this would be a good time to point out that he's also a body builder and would easily kick your ass in between bites.

Not only did Czerwinski win the latke eating competion, he did so in style, packing away 46 potato pancakes in 8 minutes, which works out to about 7 pounds of potatoes and grease. It can be safely assumed that the name "furious" comes from his experiences in the bathroom after such an event.

Canadian wins Lake Grove latke-eating contest [Newsday]